回答下列各题： The Art of Friendship A) One evening a few years ago I found myself i

n an anxiety. Nothing was really wrong -- my fam-ily and I were healthy, my career was busy and successful -- I was just feeling vaguely down andin need of a friend who could raise my spirits, someone who would meet me for coffee and let merant until the clouds lifted. I dialed my best friend, who now lives across the country in California,and got her voicemail. Thats when it started to dawn on me -- lonesomeness was at the root of mydreariness. My social life had dwindled to almost nothing, but somehow until that moment Id beentoo busy to notice. Now it hit me hard. My old friends, buddies since college or even childhood,knew everything about me; when they left, they had taken my context with them. B) Research has shown the long-range negative consequences of social isolation on ones health. Butmy concerns were more short-term. I needed to feel understood right then in the way that only a girlfriend can understand you. I knew it would be wrong to expect my husband to replace my friends:He couldnt, and even if he could, to whom would I then complain about my husband？ So I resolvedto acquire new friends -- women like me who had kids and enjoyed rolling their eyes at the worlda little bit just as I did. Since Id be making friends with more intention than Id ever given the pro-cess, I realized I could be selective, that I could in effect design my own social life. The downside,of course, was that I felt pretty frightened. C) After all, its a whole lot harder to make friends in midlife that it is when yonre younger -- a fact woman Ive spoken with point out again and again. As Leslie Danzig, 41, a Chicago theater directorand mother, sees it, when youre in your teens and 20s, youre more or less friends with everyoneunless theres a reason not to be. Your college roommate becomes your best pal at least partly dueto proximity. Now there needs to be a reason to be friends. "There are many people Im comfort-able around, but I wouldnt go so far as to call them friends. Comfort isnt enough to sustain a realfriendship," Danzig says. D) At first, finding new companions felt awkward. At 40 I couldnt run up to people the way my4-year-old daughters do in the playground and ask, "Will you be my friend？ Every time you start anew relationship, youre vulnerable again," agrees Kathleen Hall, D Min, founder and CEO of theStress Institute, in Atlanta. "Youre asking, Would you like to come into my life？ It makes us self-conscious." E) Fortunately, my discomfort soon passed. I realized that as a mature friend seeker my vulnerabilityrisk was actually pretty low. If someone didnt take me up on my offer, so what: I wasnt in ju-nior high, when I might have been rejected for having the wrong clothes or hair. At my age I haveamassed enough self-esteem to realize that I have plenty to offer. F) Were all so busy, in fact, that mutual interests -- say, in a project, class, or cause that we alreadymake time for -- become the perfect catalysts for bringing us in contact with candidates for camara-derie. Michelle Mertes, 35, a teacher and mother of two in Wausau, Wisconsin, says anew friend shemade at church came as a pleasant surprise. "In high school I chose friends based on their popular-ity and how being part of their circle might reflect on me. Nows its our shared values and activitiesthat count." Mertes says her pal, with whom she organized the churchs youth programs, is nothinglike her but their drive and organizational skills make them ideal fiiends. G) Happily, as awkward as making new friends can be, self-esteem issues do not factor in -- or if theydo, you can easily put them into perspective. Danzig tells of the mother of a child in her sons pre-school, a tall, beautiful woman who is married to a big-deal rock musician. "I said to my husband,shes too cool for me," she jokes. "I get intimidated by people. But once I got to know her, sheturned out to be pretty laid-back and friendly." In the end there was no chemistry between them, sothey didnt become good pals. "I realized that we werent each others type, but it wasnt about hi-erarchy." What midlife friendship is about, it seems, is reflecting the person youve become (or arestill becoming) back at yourself, thus reinforcing the progress youve made in your life. H) Harlene Katzman, 41, a lawyer in New York City, notes that her oldest friends knew her back whenshe was less sure of herself. As much as she loves them, she believes they sometimes respond to is-sues in light of who she once was. An old chum has the goods on you. With recently made friends,you can turn over a new leaf. I) A new friend, chosen right, can also help you point your boat in the direction you want to go. HannaDershowitz, 39, an attorney and mother in Los Angeles, found that a new acquaintance from workwas exactly what she needed in a friend. In addition to liking and respecting Julia, Dershowitz had afeeling that the fit and athletic younger woman would help her to get in shape. J) While youre busy making new friends, remember that you still need to nurture your old ones. Weasked Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends WhenYou "re Not a Kid Anymore, for the best ways to maintain these important relationships. Keep in touch. Your friends should be a priority; schedule regular lunch dates or coffee catch-up sessions, nomatter how busy you are. Know her business. Keep track of important events in a friends life andshow your support. Call or e-mail to let her know youre thinking of her. Speak your mind. Tell afriend (politely) if something she did really upset you. If you cant be totally honest, then you needto reexamine the relationship. Accept her flaws. No one is perfect, so work around her quirks --shes chronically late, or shes a bit negative -- to cut down on frustration and fights. Boost her ego.Heartfelt compliments make everyone feel great, so tell her how nuch you love her new sweater orwhat a great job she did on a work project. Leslie Danzig thought making friends at ones middle age needed some reasons.