Men lie to women. At the heart of many men's lies, however, is the male ego. Men lie to bu

ild themselves up or to conceal something. They are more likely to lie to enhance themselves than women are Men have a hard time admitting failure. How our culture defines success is important to a man, so he assumes it's important to his partner.

In a 1991 study, psychologist William Tooke and an assistant at the State University of New York College at Plattsburgh asked 110 students at the university to look at 88 deceptive tactics — such as inflating one's accomplishments and wearing designer's clothes to appear wealthy — and reveal how often they were used in their own relationships. Men were significantly more likely than women to use such deception. Ego-stroking statements that turn out to be total lies may be designed to cover up opposite feelings — for instance, when a man says he values his wife's work but actually doesn't consider it important. Such lies can signal serious problems ahead, whether it's dealing with child care, vacation plans or career moves.

The more quickly a woman seeks the truth behind these lies, the sooner she can remedy the relationship— or, if necessary, end it. As one puts it: "I'd rather have the ax fall than slip down the endless slope of uncertainty and frustration." A wife may not be sure that what her husband is saying means "the end". She should listen closely, not only to what he says, but also to how he says it. According to Depaul, changes in voice can be significant. She has found that people's voices often get higher or shakier when they lie, and they are more likely to stumble over words.

However, there are few things that trouble a man more than a woman's anger — or nagging, as he calls it — so he lies to avoid a scene. It is in "hassle-prevention lying" that men can demonstrate their greatest versatility. A young man in New York City forgot his girlfriend's birthday. When she confronted him, he claimed he'd planned a surprise all along. He grabbed the phone, called a home shopping network and berated the representative for not sending the expensive gift he'd ordered. "If you can't do better than this, I'll tear up my membership card!" he shouted. Of course, the man didn't have a card and had never ordered a gift.

In this book The Varnished Truth, David Nyberg, professor of education at State University of New York at Buffalo, states, "Occasionally there is a lot to lose by telling the truth, and something to be gained by not telling the truth." Still, it is important to remember that lies axe at heart deceptions, and repeated deceptions destroy intimacy. Real intimacy is only possible to the degree that we can be honest about what we are doing and feeling. When lying comes to predominate in a marriage, the relationship begins to deteriorate. A husband and wife can sense the trust erode, and feel their hearts growing colder.

Men, for their part, need to develop the courage to drop the defense mechanisms that bolster their egos and pride, and search for true intimacy with their mates. Telling the truth to a spouse is the first step toward showing that love is more important than lies.

Men have a hard time admitting failure because ______.

A．they think their partners set much store by their success

B．according to tradition as a man they must succeed

C．success is important to both men and women

D．they are defined as success by our culture